Posts from — August 2011
This article was written by Grace Tan, who has been on the receiving end of a variety of date requests which usually leaves her either flattered or baffled.
Here are her tips for getting a hot date online or offline, coupled with comments by her Mr Hot Date, and some all-time useful tips.
If You’re Getting A Date Online – Your Online Profile:
1) Upload a photo showing you at your best [a makeover studio picture, a graduation photo, you in your swanky car (make sure the car’s yours!)] Avoid uploading photos of you taken 10 years’ ago, or of you at a Halloween party, or show you in any compromising position that you wouldn’t show to your mother.
2) The photo mustn’t be too small, show unflattering bits (muffin top, pockets bulging with wallet/phone/hanky!!) or have you eclipsed by some building or statue.
3) Do not upload a photo of you in a group shot (who’s going to be able to tell which is you?!)
4) Avoid shots which may just turn a potential hot date off e.g. you smoking, you stuffing yourself silly at a buffet, you standing in an awkward position. When in doubt, ask a friend for his/her opinion.
5) Ensure the resolution’s good but not so good that your pores or pimples are showing!
6) Smile naturally. As if you are smiling at a good friend, a pet or a loved one.
7) Avoid suggestive poses, unless you want to make it clear that you are thinking of having more than just dinner.
8) Ensure the photo is taken at a height level with your face or higher. Anything lower than that is unflattering and just might make you look fatter than you really are.
9) Tip for ladies: have one foot forward with your weight on the foot at the back. Tilt your body a little to either side to achieve a slimmer silhouette. Posing with your hands on your hips ensures your arms don’t look fat/flabby.
10) Gentlemen, chin up, shoulders back, chest out, stomach in.
11) Write about the cool stuff you do/know e.g. “I get invited to speak at IT conferences because of my knowledge in…” is cool. “I have a collection of matchboxes from all around the world” misses the mark.
12) Avoid writing about the ‘negative’ things e.g. “I have little time for friends because gaming takes up 90% of my waking hours”.
13) If you absolutely HAVE to reveal something ‘negative’, reframe it, e.g. “I dedicate many hours to gaming and I get paid handsomely for it (for whatever reason). But with the right girl, I’ll definitely spend more time with her”.
14) Write about your plus points “I care about my family a lot. I do my best to take them on overseas tours/trips every year” IF you are looking for a date which could potentially turn into a long-term relationship then appeal to values like care for family, honesty, faithfulness.
15) If you are just looking for a one-off date, then share about how generous you are and the cool stuff you and your date could do together.
16) Never say anything that’s untrue. If you drive a mid-range car, don’t claim you drive a BMW or Mercedes (even if these are your dream cars). If you’re overweight/obese/fat, don’t claim you are simply pleasantly plump/around average. If you don’t want to get dumped within the first 5 minutes of your hot date, then don’t.
17) Avoid sentences like “Oh I really don’t know how to describe myself”/”There really isn’t much to say”/”My friends say I am average”. If you can’t come up with something original, do some research and see what OTHER people are saying about themselves.
18) Don’t overpromise unless you are 100% certain you can deliver, e.g. “I’ll be your most memorable date ever” as you may turn out to be the most forgettable one.
19) Check for spelling, grammar, tense mistakes. Avoid long sentences. Keep things simple.
20) Ask a friend of the opposite sex to read your profile write-up, if the person okays it, it should do. If not, make the necessary changes!
When Setting Up The Hot Date:
21) Just a simple “Hi” or “Hello” will do. Avoid greetings like “Salutations!”, “Good Day!!!” unless you want to be viewed as pompous or overly enthusiastic.
22) Always express an interest in what the other person does first. Compliments are good. E.g. “I read that you are an accomplished dancer! I have a lot of respect for the hard work and dedication that dancers put in”
23) Ask questions about the person’s profession/interest as these are almost guaranteed to get a reply e.g. “I read that you love dogs. Do you own one? Mine’s a golden retriever. Yours?” or “You work in the banking sector? So do many of my friends! Which bank do you work in?”
24) If you don’t get a reply within 5-7 days, perhaps the person is busy or overlooked your mail. Simply send a short message “I’m just checking in. I suppose you are busy and I’m wondering if you got to read my message sent on (date)?”
25) Keep a record of the people you have sent messages to, assuming you’ve sent messages to more than one person. If you tell them to contact you on MSN, for instance, and they indeed do so, do not respond with “Sorry, Grace who? Grace from which site?”
26) Avoid the cut-and-paste messages that you simply change the name at the top and then send to as many people as you want. (E.g. “Hi ________, I think you are cool. Can we hang out? My MSN address is firstname.lastname@example.org. You can also contact me on Facebook. Cheers!”) Make sure each one is personalized so the person receiving the message will think you took the time to write to him/her ONLY, thus increasing your chances of getting a reply!
27) If you get rejected, do not take it personally. Avoid responding in a childish manner e.g. “I don’t think you’re that pretty/handsome anyway” or “You’ll regret it/be sorry”. Perhaps the person just needs to get to know you better (online) first before deciding to meet you in person. There are just too many stalkers around. And many others could have found this same person hot too and already asked him/her out before, hence causing the person to be more cautious.
28) Avoid asking for the date immediately when it’s the first time you are sending someone a message, or you risk sounding needy, desperate or outright scary.
29) If the person responds, then ask for the date. Use an NLP technique called Double Bind – “Would you like to have dinner with me next Wednesday or Friday?” This gives the person an illusion of choice, but there really is no choice – he/she HAS to meet you on either Wednesday or Friday for dinner, right? 😉
30) NEVER promise anything until you see the full package. Someone who LOOKS hot online, need not be hot in person (because of makeovers, Photoshop, etc). So avoid committing to that 5-course dinner, movie and dessert before meeting the person. 😀
At The Date Itself (If You Want To Ensure There’s A Second Date, Follow These Tips):
31) Practise rationing. Do not take the person to the movies, shopping, dinner, sightseeing, and everything else on the same day. Then there’s no point in meeting you again.
32) Be PUNCTUAL. I cannot overemphasize this point. Being late just shows you disrespect the other person’s time and effort to be early. You might end up without a date.
33) Ensure you have had something to eat before turning up for your date so you don’t end up with a growling tummy at the cinemas or be stuffing your face with food at dinner (and cannot answer your date’s questions fast enough between mouthfuls)
34) Do not appear needy/clingy/desperate. Be cool about the date. Appear keen and interested but not overly desperate and hanging onto the person’s every word.
35) Lean forward slightly to indicate you are interested in what your hot date is saying. Avoid folding your arms across your chest, or leaning backwards.
36) Avoid asking about the person’s entire history, e.g. who he/she has dated, who he/she went to the movies with last week, etc.
37) Ensure you are looking your best – no frumpy clothes, hair well styled, look clean and smell good.
38) Either offer to pay or go Dutch when the bill arrives. Having your date pay for the meal or movie or whatever almost certainly ensures it’s the last you’ll see of that person.
39) (Guys) Be sweet and gentlemanly; hold the doors open, etc. Ensure your date’s comfortable hanging out with you. And…
40) Offer to send your date home. If she refuses, do not persist. A girlfriend of mine went out with a guy who insisted on sending her right to her 11th floor doorstep. She had wanted some time alone so she made an excuse of wanting to take the stairs instead of the lift, thinking the guy would relent and go home. Instead, he accompanied her up the stairs. LOL!
IF You Are Too Lazy To Do Any Of The Above (I shouldn’t bother with teaching you this, but I’ll be nice):
41) Get a friend to recommend his/her hot friend to you and convince the person to go on a date with you. You might have to buy your friend a meal for the effort but I suppose it’ll be worth it.
42) Get yourself enrolled with a dating agency and have them fix hot dates for you. Ensure the agency’s a credible one and ensure you have laid down clear specifications on what your hot date should be like.
43) Just join one of the Facebook groups for singles. And attend their activities. You’ll find your hot date among the many people there. Just be prepared for competition. 😀
44) You probably already have the contact details (mobile number, email address) of someone you think could be a hot date for you. Pluck up your courage and drop that person a message. What’s the worse that could happen, anyway?
45) Know someone who’s recently single? Ask that person out.
Bear These In Mind:
46) Keep your hands to yourself. Need I say more?
47) Avoid racist or sexist jokes. Or jokes that only you find funny.
48) Do not dominate the conversation. Your date doesn’t have to keep hearing about all the cool stuff you know. Be interested in your date’s hobbies, interests, views etc. People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.
49) Do not bring your BMW with you. B is for bitching, M is for moaning and W is for whining. No one likes hanging out with someone who is always complaining about everything.
50) Be nice to people – the wait staff, the ticketing staff etc. Shows your date that you are a great person to hang around with because you care about others.
Male Hot Date’s Advice:
51) Be yourself. Also, be sincere and honest. No point lying just to look and sound cool, only to have your lies exposed later on.
52) Ensure there’s a lively conversation going on. Be unafraid of sharing your views. What you have to share, matters too!
53) Be polite. While you might think it’s his duty to hold the door open for you, it’s also polite to thank him for kind gestures like that.
54) Ensure you display good table manners.
55) Be confident. Help break the “ice” as quickly as possible. You can share about your day, the restaurant (if you’ve visited before), or any other topic that both parties are interested in, like, a hobby.
56) Maintain eye contact when speaking. It demonstrates confidence and interest.
57) It’s good to be funny/humorous. It’s great for breaking the ice. If he doesn’t get the joke, don’t bother explaining. Also, avoid jokes/jargon that only your fellow geeks understand.
58) Look presentable and clean. You will probably need a change of clothes after work/school/gym/etc.
59) Have on some perfume. But not too much. If someone standing more than a metre away from you can smell your perfume, that’s too much.
60) Be likeable. Have a genuine, warm smile! 😀
61) Be knowledgeable about current affairs.
62) Do a little “homework” beforehand. Get acquainted with your date’s interests, hobbies, profession, favourite reads/movies, etc
63) Leave an impression. Perhaps, a stunning first impression when walking up to your date in a pretty dress and with a great smile on your face?
64) Subtly “sell” yourself – what makes you such a great person to hang out with? For instance, you bring friends to the coolest eating places that they didn’t know about?
65) Be a good listener. Do not yak.
66) Rehearse some of the things you’d like to say/share, e.g. your profession. So you are not at a loss for words when he asks.
67) Avoid sounding or looking too desperate. Scares the men off.
68) Best if you avoid talking about previous dates or boyfriends. Especially those relationships that didn’t end too well.
69) Avoid offending the person. Don’t belittle his profession, race, religion, etc
70) Give him an opening to ask you out, e.g. casually mention that there’s a new film at the cinema that you’d like to catch soon. If he’s interested in you, he’s likely to ask you out.
71) Don’t seem overeager, e.g. giving him your mobile number and telling him to call you, when he hasn’t actually asked for your number yet.
72) Be punctual. You may think that it’s a lady’s prerogative to be “fashionably late” but if your date is a stickler for punctuality OR thinks you’re somehow not worth the wait, then you’ve totally blown that first hot date.
73) Ask a friend for his/her honest (even if brutal) suggestions on how you should prepare for your date, e.g. you may desperately need a new haircut.
74) Manage your expectations: If the person is still available to go on a hot date with you, there is likely some reason why he’s not “taken” already. So don’t expect a Mr Perfect, but do your best to ensure it’s an enjoyable date.
75) Ensure you bear at least some resemblance to your profile photo. Photoshop’s great, but do ensure you look at least 80-90% like the person in your photo!
76) Put some effort in dolling up for the date. If you need help with makeup, get professional help, esp. if you don’t use makeup frequently.
77) Avoid blindly following trends and choosing clothes which do not suit your personality or body type.
78) You don’t have to be drop-dead gorgeous. Sure, men go for looks first. But personality is very important too. That is why you’ve probably noticed some good-looking men have married average-looking girls. There’s hope.
79) Instead of thinking you’re a geek, believe that you are lovable, and your actions will start supporting your belief.
80) Practise self-love. When you love yourself, you’ll find that you become so much more attractive to people, in ways they cannot explain.
All-Time Useful Tips For Both Male & Female geeks:
81) Ask yourself WHY someone HOT would WANT to go on a date with you. And then ensure you BE that person. You’ll naturally attract someone who’ll go on a hot date with you.
82) Don’t only buy and read all the books about getting hot dates and not take any action at all… Actually experimenting with the tips you’ve learned, testing them out, and changing your strategy when any of them don’t work for you, WILL eventually get you a hot date!
83) Activate the Law Of Attraction: start making a list of the qualities your hot date should possess.
84) Keep your eyes open. There could already be people in your social circle who have the hots for you! 😀 Someone could have a crush on you already without your knowing. If you find this is true, then beyond thinking it is merely flattering, why not ask the person out on a date?
85) Check out the neighbours! If you’d just pay attention enough, there are enough date-worthy people living around you. That said, if you are simply looking for a one-off affair, then it’s best not to go out with people who live near you. 😛 If, however, you are looking for a long-term relationship out of that date, then good for you!
86) Speak to people on the streets: get into the habit of talking to people, even strangers. You may just strike up a conversation with that cute waitress at the cafe or the handsome guy at the ticketing booth, and you just might get your hot date sooner than later.
87) This one is really important! Be REALISTIC! What’s a hot date? It’s not one that is crazily mindblowing, complete with fireworks! How about an evening of good conversation and company, and hopefully even better food?
88) Conversation starters: 1) Get a new outfit and ask your date how it looks. He/she may feel flattered that you took the effort to dress up specially for this date and may be extra nice towards you. 2) Have an interesting piece of jewellery or accessory that is sure to draw comments, e.g. a ring or necklace that totally jazzes up your outfit (of course, don’t go dripping in bling!)
89) Go on as many dates as possible. It’s unlikely your first date ever will be the hottest one. By the way, haven’t we all been told to “Be keen but not too keen”? How does anyone know exactly what this entails? Experience, of course.
90) Avoid overly-Photoshopped photographs. You don’t want your date to go “Wow, you look SO different in person” and mean it in an unflattering way, right?
91) The best way to attract someone hot to go on a date with you is to BE a hot date yourself. If that wardrobe needs a revamp, get one. If you badly need a haircut, get one. If you hardly hang out with friends, then go out with them more. You’ll probably bump into someone who wants to go on a date with you.
92) If you absolutely have to remain a geek, then be an uber cool one. Perhaps be known for winning lots of competitions? Or, having the best web design/gaming skills in your country?
93) Count on the saying that opposites attract. Someone hot may think your geekiness is cute and wants to date you. When that time comes, do not be so stunned that you forget to say YES to the date.
94) Be open to the idea that two geeks can go on a date and still have a good time.
95) Have a life. Getting a hot date shouldn’t be the only reason you exist. It just makes life more fun, that’s all.
96) Ignore people who say that you getting a hot date is impossible. Nothing is impossible, impossible is nothing, remember? Avoid naysayers at all cost.
97) Find someone with a common interest, whether it’s photography or physics. You may think it’s the coolest date ever, instead of a “hot” one.
98) Don’t stalk or annoy the person. E.g. avoid refreshing the person’s Facebook page every 5 minutes to see whose status he/she is commenting on, do not keep smsing/calling/emailing the person too.
99) If someone you like doesn’t like you, MOVE ON. He/she isn’t the only person left on Earth to date.
100) Unless you are out with a geek, do not talk about geeky subjects. Remember, your date’s interests always come first. Have the mindset that if your date’s happy, you’re happy.
101) Whether you’re dating a geek or not, just have fun anyway. Don’t take yourself or Life too seriously.
Final Editorial Note from Shun-Jian: I’ve broken most of the guidelines listed here but that didn’t stop me from getting hot dates! *grins* So, don’t get too stressed up over following these 101 dating tips to a tee… Take those that resonate most with you and find an opportunity to apply them…. Keep those that work and adapt/throw away those that don’t. And if something is already working for you, just continue doing it (you don’t have to fix what isn’t broken!). Final, bonus tip from a (not so clueless anymore) geek like me… If you run out of things to say to your hot date, calm down… smile and say “To world peace!” That always seems to work =)
Suggested Dating Resources
The Geek’s Guide to Dating – What every geek needs to know about attracting beautiful women
Seduction4idiots – How To Approach, Seduce And Attract Hot Sexy Women
The Online Game Internet Attraction System (NEW!) – Learn How To Attract Babes From FaceBook, MySpace etc.
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How To Attract The Perfect Relationship – How to Meet, Attract, and Create a Lasting and Fulfilling Relationship With the Kind of Person You’ve Always Wanted
Recommended Resources to Handle Anxiety and Boost Your Confidence
Panic Away – A Revolutionary New Technique To Cure Acute Anxiety And Panic Attacks In Easy-To-Follow Steps Without Any Medication!
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This article was contributed by Grace Tan, the founder of WorkingWithGrace.wordpress.com (which features interviews with millionaires, celebrities, entrepreneurs and inspiring people from all over the world) and her Mr. Hot Date. Grace can be contacted via her blog or at email@example.com
August 30, 2011 1 Comment