Posts from — September 2011
Regret, a word that you never want to catch yourself using. It’s a nasty feeling to carry around with you even if it’s relating to the simplest thing. The one thing you don’t want to regret ever is not telling that certain someone you’re interested in them.
Life isn’t like the movies or like an episode from Grey’s Anatomy (there may not be a happy ending). However, one tip you should take away from characters like Meredith Grey is that life is about taking chances.
If there is someone on your mind who you would like to turn into a summer romance, act now! Here are three things to remember that will help you overcome your fear of rejection and avoid the bitter taste of regret:
Practice makes perfect
As with any goal worth achieving, practice makes perfect; this same rule applies to dating.
One of the ways to overcome your fear of rejection is by taking the “fear” part out of the equation. You can do this by simply going out with your friends and practicing your dating skills on complete strangers. This will help you overcome your fear for three reasons:
1) You’ll practice making moves; you’re more likely to approach a target when your friends are surrounding you and encouraging you to do it.
2) You’ll get used to both rejection and acceptance; some people will say yes to your offer and some will refuse. However, hearing a rejection from a complete stranger is easier to deal with than hearing it from someone you care about.
3) You can practice different approaches; you don’t have to ask a stranger out on a date but you can ask to buy them a drink. Depending on how the conversation goes, you’ll get an idea of what works.
Getting used to flirting with someone and asking them out will give you the confidence you need when it comes to asking the person you really care about.
Take it as a learning experience
You don’t have to jump out of airplanes or go bungee jumping to be considered a “risk taker.” Simply walking up to your crush and asking them out makes you one; In fact, that action takes a different type of courage.
As a result, if there were ever something worth going outside your “comfort zone” for, it would be the cute technician you hope to see every time your computer crashes at work. By putting yourself out there and taking a risk, you’ll learn an important characteristic about yourself: you’re a doer.
It’s great to know what you want but it’s more important to actually get what you want. Putting yourself out there requires guts; once you build up enough, you’ll start doing things you never would have considered.
Realize that you have got nothing to lose
It’s natural for you to imagine the worst possible scenario when it comes to asking your crush out. However, the reality is simple: it’s going to be a yes or no. An asteroid won’t hit the Earth if they say no, and they won’t treat you differently. In fact, they will probably be flattered that you see them in that way.
In Amanda Sanchez’s case, the “limbo stage” was what gave her the courage to ask her crush the important question.
“I was dating this guy all summer,” she explains. “And it got to the point where I wanted to take it to the next level and actually be a couple. The thing that was holding me back from asking him was that if he said no, I knew that would be the end of us dating. I really liked him, so I would definitely be hurt. But then I realized that if he does say no, then it’s probably time to move on from him anyway.”
In Amanda’s case, the guy did confess that he wasn’t looking for a committed relationship. Although she was hurt, Amanda explained that it was better for her to know sooner rather than finding out later.
“We didn’t talk much after that,” she says. “But when I saw him at a bar a couple months later , I started walking the other way but he was the one who walked up to me and gave me a hug. It was nice knowing there wasn’t any awkwardness.”
Whether you are trying to start a relationship or want to take your relationship to the next level, the fear of rejection won’t nearly be as bad as the feeling of regret. Being a risk taker is a trait that will benefit you in all areas of your life. In addition, knowing that the world won’t end just because he or she says no is a comforting feeling. Remember, practice makes perfect.
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This article was contributed by Sylvia Rosen, an online writer who writes articles on a variety of topics from dating and relationships to business phone systems.
September 27, 2011 2 Comments