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As a coach, very often I have to put across the things that people do not like to hear… the things and patterns that people know deep down but are afraid to face… in a way that will be accepted… before reflection and healing can start to take place.

Recently, for example, I was sharing with G about the law of attraction and the subject of fear came up. I asked for G’s permission to be brutally honest with her. Not knowing exactly what to expect and perhaps allowing curiosity get the better of her, G agreed. This was an important part of the process… no point talking to a dead cow right?

Anyway, I cited an example of how G had been unconsciously preventing herself from experiencing happiness. Now, I have known G for quite a while and I discovered that she was prone to self-sabotaging behavior. Every time she found herself in a joyful state, she would begin to hold back and stop those pleasurable feelings from persisting.

I explained the concept of “secondary gains” to G and we managed to delve deeper into the roots of the issue - G feared that any happiness in her life would be short-lived. As such, whenever she felt even the tiniest tinge of happiness, she would dismiss it and worse, engage in negative self-talk and sink into a deep state of depression.

It was quite apparent that G was trying to protect herself… from getting hurt. it would be extremely painful to experience intense joy with someone and then having that person leave for whatsoever reason in the future. Yes, I understand that… for I once knew someone close who was very much like G… and her greatest fears came true… because of the self-fulfilling nature of fears.

You see, the more you focus on your fears and acting in a way to avoid them, the more they will manifest in your life. By the self-destructive actions she took to avoid the potential hurt and unhappiness she’s likely to feel because of a failed relationship, she’s preventing the start of something beautiful… ending it by the roots… How can G hope to find happiness this way?

No wonder she has been so unhappy all her life!

Remember this, you attract your greatest fears! Choose to focus on the right things… Focus on what you want… instead of what you don’t want… You attract what you think about most…

As usual, feel free to leave a comment… share the insights you’ve gotten and/or how you feel. I love to hear from you =)

P.S. There’s this program called PanicAway that I highly recommend for anyone who wants to deal with fear, panic and anxieties effectively. Click here to find out more about PanicAway…