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7 Great Tips to Breaking Your “Bad Date” Cycle and Attracting the Relationship You Desire!

Photo by Jesslee Cuizon

Being “unlucky in love” isn’t about luck at all.

Think about it…

Why is it that some people are able to attract Mr or Miss Right while you are always attracting Mr. Nasty, or Ms. Unfaithful or Mr. Deadbeat?

No matter how different or similar your ex-nightmares may seem, they all have one very specific thing in common, they dated YOU. You are the key to breaking the bad date cycle, and by making a few changes, you can educate yourself to find Mr. or Ms. Perfect (for you)!

1. Identify the pattern in the men / girls you've been attracting

Make a list of all your ex-partners, their character flaws and why the relationship ended. Often, people fall into patterns without realizing it – For example, some women always attract abusive men, and some men always attract cheaters.

Can you see a pattern in your list?

It might not be as simple as “they all cheated” it might be that they all showed different controlling behaviors or that they were all manipulative in different ways.

If you are struggling to identify the pattern, it can be helpful to look to your parent’s relationship as it will most likely have had a profound impact on your relationships. If you’re still struggling, ask your friends why they disliked your ex-nightmares, you’ll probably hear some interesting answers!

2. Identify your own behaviors that's causing you to (unconsciously) attract such men / girls

Once you have identified the behavior that makes you unhappy, consider why a person with that character flaw chose to come into your life.

For example, a woman who attracts sexual “users” should consider what a user looks for in a woman. If he is seeking an easy, quick sexual fix, are there any signals you are sending out that you might not be consciously aware of until now?

If you’re a man who attracts “gold diggers”, consider whether you are exhibiting any signs that you are good relationship material for a gold digger. Expensive gifts, nice restaurants and luxurious touches make for a wonderful first date, especially for a girl with dollar signs in her eyes.

Similarly, if you’re attracting cheaters, are you happily getting lost in that charming, silver tongue and those bedroom eyes that always seem ready for bed?

Try putting yourself in their shoes and thinking about what you would look for in the right partner. Make a list of attributes that are attractive to that person and consider how many of those attributes you have. It can be hard to know yourself well enough for this step, so a good friend or even a semi-friendly ex may be able to help.

Although their bad behavior is not OK and your behavior is not 100% to blame, it’s easy for both of you to fall into the same patterns of behavior. Fortunately, you have the power to break the mold and find true happiness!

3. Make a list of 5 positive changes you want to see in your next relationship (and how you can do your part to make them happen)

List 5 things you are going to do differently next time and 5 things you are willing to try changing to get there.

Perhaps you want to be treated with more respect this time? Then resolve yourself not to take any crap, if they don’t call, if they stay out all night and/or if they don’t appreciate you – get rid of them – fast!

If you are tired of being controlled, “being more assertive” should be top of your list.

If you find relationships becoming co-dependent and too intense and drama filled, “more time apart” could be on your list.

Think these through carefully because they will be your mantra for your next relationship.

4. Change the way you meet your potential partners

The way you search for your partners might also be playing a part in who you attract.

If you keep meeting sleazy men, perhaps you’re going to sleazy clubs. If you find you’re dating needy women, perhaps dating the “damsels in distress” that you meet, isn’t working for you.

Try something different.

If you’ve never speed dated, go speed dating. Register with an online dating site, join a new club, take up a hobby, consider a customer or work mate (although that can be tricky, choose carefully). Ask your happily married friends where they met or even ask them to hook you up on a blind date. It doesn’t matter too much what you try, as long as it is a change from your old patterns.

5. Be yourself… Don't pretend to be someone you think they'll like

If some knee high boots and a splash of red gloss lipstick have always worked for you, it might be time for a pony tail and some comfortable jeans. If that killer pick-up line has never failed, file it away for now.

Don’t flirt shamelessly, tell them what you really think, put away that expensive gift and if the joke isn’t funny, don’t laugh. Take all the games and tactics away and be yourself, you’re more lovable than you might think!

6. Date different types of people

So, there’s nothing like a rock star up on that stage to press your buttons, huh?

Maybe it’s time to date a nice accountant – or maybe a graphic designer. If you are dating the same “kind of people”, be it the arty type or the geeky type or the sporty type – it’s time to look further afield.

You may just find that “scientist guys” are just as creative as painters. A sporty woman might just be as clever as a geeky woman and a quiet, shy guy could be just as exciting as Mr. Popularity. It’s time to go beyond the surface and get to know someone new and different. You might find that under the surface, they’re smarter, more interesting or sexier than you could ever imagine!

7. Don't rush into the Sex

When you are looking for a new relationship, if you head out on the first date looking for true love, you’ll probably fail.

Similarly, if you head out looking for hot sex, you’ll probably fail too. It’s hard to just have a nice time with a nice person because too many emotions (lust is an emotion!) get in the way. Sex introduces a different perspective. Try as we might to be indifferent to sex, it inevitably changes the way you see and feel about the other person. It complicates things.

Resolve yourself to holding off on the sex until you are sure… Then, when it does happen, it’ll be spectacular!

Now, I hope you enjoyed these 7 tips on breaking your “bad date” cycle and attracting the relationship you desire. Just remember… although it might not be easy to find Mr or Miss Right straight away… getting to know a bit more about yourself gives you a better chance of getting to know who is right for you =)


Recommended Dating Resources

Friendfinder – Have fun, meet people and find love!

For Ladies Only:
The Woman Men Adore…and Never Want to Leave – How to Captivate a Man and Make Him Fall in Love with You

Catch him and keep him – Learn Secrets That Most Women Will Never Know About Meeting And Keeping A Great Man

Have the relationship you want – Learn how to instantly make a man want to get close and stay close to you forever

Secrets of Love and relationships in the stars

For Men Only:
The Online Game Internet Attraction System (NEW!) – Learn How To Attract Babes From FaceBook, MySpace etc.

Double Your Dating – learn how to meet and attract beautiful women… even if you aren't tall, rich or handsome


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Guest post by Susan Long who is a reformed loser magnet, happily married to Mr. Right. She gave up meeting rock stars in dive bars for a wonderfully creative and talented programmer she met while working as a freelance writer at a Car Rental website.

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tzongyih says:

I found that there are so many great tips,
such as be yourself instead of be the one we think she’ll like..
It’s just so important… Good one.